A month ago an old trauma entered my consciousness stealthily, quietly, but once detected it had enormous power and fear.

I went from believing I was an expert on handling PTSD, to acting like a novice without direction or skills.

Knowing better than to handle my trauma, I dissociated for hours trying to change the outcome, save my Ego from being humiliated.

For a month, all my skills bounced off this new trauma.

Hard lesson: No matter how powerful I develop my skills, identifying with my Ego and entertaining trauma thoughts always wins easily.

My skills were worthless when I refused to let go.

We need to carve out a small space where we are present, empty of thought.

I had to change the narrative that was stored with this last trauma. It was distorted by my Ego.

Once my Ego let go of betrayal, the movie playing in my head over and over stopped.

My male ego felt invisible, I surmised my Egos desire were those belonging to my core, my soul.

In fact it was an image created for identity (Ego), that took control of my being through PTSD’s mechanisms.

When I dropped the concept of betrayal, my male Ego emerged as the main culprit in my suffering.

Awareness has uncovered others ways my male Ego deals with life.

He has become more rigid and stealthy as he has aged.

Remember our Ego feels like the real Marty, Sandy, Mike etc.

Ask someone who they are?

Watch how the Ego describes itself, what does it value most?

I need to explore the influence my Ego has in my life after this last episode.

Who are you?








One of the female members of my mindfulness group, schooled me on my landeng破解版安卓版.

A pointed text, asks me why I was reacting so deeply, feeling betrayed, because of something that happened to another person (girlfriend). Never thought of this event in that way.

She said I was only going to heal by taking ownership over my own reactions, taking responsibility for letting the past impact today. Wow, that should of been my line.

As a male at 20, I did not realize how my judgments probably damaged my girlfriend more.

I partially blamed her for being gangraped. My hurt blinded me, seems a lame excuse for a seasoned meditator looking back, now.

We as males were indoctrinated that our significant others behavior is a reflection on ourselves, something we need to control.

I grew up without a functional attachment to either parent, this void placed enormous weight on my first girlfriends role, unbelievable unfair, I see now.

It is the opposite of everything meditation/mindfulness taught me.

The external can not touch or harm our core. Who am I can not be deminished by anything external. I lost sight of this.

We all have blind spots, this was mine.

Feeling betrayed was my mistake. I teach non judgment, feeling betrayed is a huge, inaccurate judgment.

I paid a heavy price for adopting this victim role.

For me, a students wisdom has shined a light forward.

I have always found, healing happens in a state of humility and vulnerability.

Thank you Marisia.

Please share your insight on the male Ego and women?




百度网盘——百度网盘,让美好永远陪伴:百度网盘是百度公司推出的一款云服务产品。通过百度网盘,您可以将照片、文档、音乐、通讯录数据在各类设备中使用,在 ...

Now, a new trauma has erupted, a horrific betrayal.

I am in crisis again.  The last decade devoted to healing was not enough.

managing this blog and writing posts is near impossible right now.

I apologize.


安下载-安全的软件下载站,绿色免费版软件下载:2 天前 · 安下载(原俺下载)为您提供安全的pc软件下载,免费软件下载,手机软件下载,所有资源都经过杀毒软件查杀测试后上传,我们将本着用户至上的原则,为用户提供详细的软件介绍,并附带安装教程,使用方法等信 …



安下载-安全的软件下载站,绿色免费版软件下载:2 天前 · 安下载(原俺下载)为您提供安全的pc软件下载,免费软件下载,手机软件下载,所有资源都经过杀毒软件查杀测试后上传,我们将本着用户至上的原则,为用户提供详细的软件介绍,并附带安装教程,使用方法等信 …

Chronic pain and especially childhood PTSD were my enemy.

In my chronic pain group of 15, I was the only one who did not fear his pain. My dad had beat me daily for a whole childhood, pain was a constant companion.

Chronic pain was different from the acute pain he so regularly delivered. Being familiar with pain lessens it’s sting.

With PTSD the fear is reinforced with cortisol and adrenaline, giving the trauma memory real time power, so it seems.

Trauma is stored in a life threatening environment with parts of our mind shut down. The memory is never clear and our triggers manifest in the strangest ways.

PTSD stole my life, naturally I knew this mental disorder was my enemy.

As with sports, I learned everything about him. What powered him, symptoms, what lessens his power and I 蓝什么灯vip破解版.

路由器密码忘记了怎么办 路由器密码重置方法 ...-太平洋IT百科:三、路由器密码破解 首先,把网卡驱动安装好,我这个是已经安装好的,里面有两块卡,无线网络1为笔记本内置网卡,后边的是3070芯片的网卡。 安装虚拟机,配置过程就不细给大家讲了,不会的百度吧。然后加载上系统镜像,在此我用的是

With PTSD it was the firing of my fight or flight mechanism, that became the battlefield.

Exploring my triggers everyday, I found its weakness.

When our fight or flight mechanism fires, PTSD is at its apex of power.

Ironically PTSD was at its most vulnerable.

This was the battle field I chose.

Withstanding my adrenal stress mechanism firing, staying present, drained PTSD of its power.

Understand depression, chronic pain or PTSD is the enemy, meeting on the battlefield of your choice is how we improve.

Healing is not pleasant or anxiety free.

My healing was emotionally violent inside as evil left my organism.

This is ugly business but it is the path out of suffering.




lanter 专业版安卓破解版




When my mind was frozen from multiple eruptions of my fight or flight mechanism, life seemed out of control, suffering was a daily companion.

An enormous pull, one reinforced by the sensing of imminent danger, powered by secretions of cortisol and adrenaline, supported by a biased storyline, draws us toward avoiding.

网易云音乐:黑胶VIP服务协议 音乐包服务协议 常见问题解答

It takes a while for us to understand the enemy (challenge) and there is an all out war to be waged.

I love that image of waging war with Trauma. It sure felt like a war, I sure as hell felt mortally wounded mentally.

Waging war with trauma meant surrendering to its power while sitting quietly, focused while observing all the body sensations.

A different war, where we lay prone, vulnerable, exploring our traumas without judgment.

The road less traveled of course.

Part of our battle plan: Always incorporate your strengths in every endeavor you undertake. I was a former pro athlete, a typical gym rat, an athletic grinder.

My ability to make my body take action in the face of danger or pain was a great asset, a vehicle used to accelerate healing.

蓝宝科技 - Sapphire Technology:蓝宝科技 (SAPPHIRE Technology) 持续成为世界领先的创新图形和主板产品制造商和全球供应商,向 PC 市场提供基于 AMD Radeon 的产品,满足了游戏、电子竞技和高性能显卡爱好者的需求,并提供一系列专业图形产品和嵌入式系统解决方案。 最近,SAPPHIRE ...

What a contrast to shaking uncontrollably, filled with cortisol, avoiding triggers, suffering, compared to exhilaration and accomplishment.

Whether it was the prison of chronic pain or Complex PTSD’s stress hormones (cortisol, Norepinephrine and adrenaline) the skill to take action, especially strenuous aerobic exercise was invaluable.

You do not have to be coordinated or athletic, 如何评价联想newifi路由器? - 知乎:2021-2-11 · 这个路由是我前段时间在京东上以活动价89元买的,所以下面我下面这些评价都是以这个价格为参考的 总体来说:89元能买到这样一个硬件配置还不错,做工还过得去,可玩性强,官方固件很烂但是在不断进化的路由器,还是挺值的。 下面详细说明下: 硬件配置:处理器MT7620A …

Chronic pain and PTSD are usually isolating and depressing ways of life.

Adopt a sedentary lifestyle and you will suffer.

The ability to take daily action is the one trait I see shared by those who improve that I mentor.

Incorporate Strenuous aerobic exercise three times a week.

Our toxins and poisons are flushed from our system during strenuous aerobic exercise.

Cortisol is dissipated calming our nervous system. We are mechanically eating up cortisol, giving us a much needed break.

We need wins over PTSD when it is at its apex of power.

爱奇艺个人中心:Web site created using create-react-app 您的密码存在风险,可能是因为 - 密码过于简单; - 在多平台上使用相同的密码;




Pixabay: Hassanassi



安下载-安全的软件下载站,绿色免费版软件下载:2 天前 · 安下载(原俺下载)为您提供安全的pc软件下载,免费软件下载,手机软件下载,所有资源都经过杀毒软件查杀测试后上传,我们将本着用户至上的原则,为用户提供详细的软件介绍,并附带安装教程,使用方法等信 …


Despite their rich terminology for describing a wide range of mental events, the traditional languages of Buddhism have no word for emotion as such.


That may be because according to Buddhism all types of mental activity, including rational thought, are associated with some kind of feeling, be it one of pleasure, pain, or indifference.


And most affective states, such as love and hatred, arise together with discursive thought.


Rather than distinguishing between emotions and thoughts, Buddhism is more concerned with understanding which types of mental activity are conducive to one’s own and others’ well-being, and 关闭蓝灯/Lantern后无法连接到网络-百度经验:2021-5-22 · 新人玩转百度 经验 1595次分享 第1期 Win8.1实用小技巧 2761次分享 第1期 小白装大神 2413次分享 154 新手帮助 意见反馈 投诉举报 ©2021Baidu 使用百度前必读 百度经验协议 ....



This is actually quite consistent with what cognitive science tells us about the brain and emotion.



Every region in the brain that has been identified with some aspect of emotion has also been identified with aspects of cognition.



There are 华硕RT AC66U B1 妙刷路由巧变家庭网盘:2021-11-4 · (默认固件锁在450MBPS刷梅林后可破解掉)5GHz频段均支持IEEE 802.11ac标准,理论速率最高可达1300Mbps。 每组解制解调电路中左边的sky8572811模组负责5GHz频段,而37049EX5610则负责2.4GHz频段。 LAN及WAN接口部分都作了封闭处理。



The neuronal circuits that support emotions are completely intertwined with those that support cognition.


This anatomical arrangement is consistent with the Buddhist view that these processes cannot be separated: emotions appear in a context of action and thought, and almost never in isolation from the other aspects of our experience.



It should be noted that this runs counter to Freudian theory, which holds that powerful feelings of anger or jealousy, for instance, can arise without any particular cognitive or conceptual content.”








“I do a lot to avoid seeing my trauma in my head. I turn away from thoughts and images. However what I can’t drop are the body sensations. They come on like a steam roller and leave me exhausted and sometimes frozen. When the therapy session is too much & I’m outside my WOT (window of tolerance) it’s not good. There’s too much suffering and not enough healing.”



My two cents: There is a fine line between 百度云v9.0.0SVIP破解不限速最新版 - 『精品软件区』 - 吾爱 ...:2021-6-8 · 关于百度云破解版,估计吾爱里少说也有十几款啦,我之前用过山寨云,但是不能播放视频,就放弃了。看着一些关于破解百度云的帖子,有时我认为作者这款明明不限速的,但有人回复用着是限速的;又有时别人不限速的,我用着确是200多K ....

Avoiding is a symptom of PTSD, I ended up agoraphobic for six months. I was really good at avoiding my trauma.

Suffering intensified, my body sensations became unbearable, so I avoided even more. It is a vicious cycle

We dissociate (leave this present moment) continually in this dysfunctional circle.

I lived outside my window of tolerance for years because of dissociating and avoiding my triggers, life.

百度云v9.0.0SVIP破解不限速最新版 - 『精品软件区』 - 吾爱 ...:2021-6-8 · 关于百度云破解版,估计吾爱里少说也有十几款啦,我之前用过山寨云,但是不能播放视频,就放弃了。看着一些关于破解百度云的帖子,有时我认为作者这款明明不限速的,但有人回复用着是限速的;又有时别人不限速的,我用着确是200多K ...

I had to feel my emotional trauma in its entirety before it would release and fade away.

No way around our trauma exists, only suffering down that road.

A pill, a therapist, distraction or avoidance powers PTSD.

Our symptoms increase as does the time we spend outside our window of tolerance.

This is important: What we do when PTSD is at its apex, it’s most powerful and scariest point, decides if we heal.

Until I built the courage and focus skills to sit quietly and observe my body sensations when my fight or flight mechanism fired, I had no chance of healing.

PTSD powers itself when we are out of our window of tolerance.

Think of the movie Top Gun and the song Danger Zone.

We are in the danger zone when our ptsd is out of control, outside our window of tolerance.

We can not run or avoid our trauma and heal, bottom line.

Each time we avoid, PTSD becomes a little more unknown and scary to us. The unknown can haunts us.

PTSD does not need to be any more power or fear, especially because we avoided it.

Our fear grows. Our priority is to decrease our fear so we can do the work of healing.

Takes daily practice, takes trying and failing many times without giving up.

That was my experience anyway.

Hope this helps. I was the king of avoidance and suffered.








Being abused in childhood, impacted my mind permanently. I am not saying this abuse rules my mind but it will at least lay dormant until I die.


Happiness was impossible, imminent danger lived inside my home and I was his only target.


Survival and shame dominated my thoughts, helped formulate my unworthy self image and destroyed my nervous system.


I always knew something was wrong, like I was flawed, unworthy, not like other people.


Then one day in my 50’s a family crisis ignited my childhood trauma. It was alive, bringing that terrifying jolt to my solar plexus, cortisol and adrenaline, PTSD’s scare drugs.


Took me 6 years to heal or improve, for the suffering to curtail and life to have a little lightness, some contentment.


When I improved or healed, the suffering dissipated, the intrusive thoughts lost power without attention.


For 60 years I enjoyed momentary joy from accomplishments, however happiness was a stranger.


To heal or improve, I had dedicated five hours a day to meditating and healing.


On this journey, while entering into mundane tasks, (a mindful practice) I found happy moments.


关闭蓝灯/Lantern后无法连接到网络-百度经验:2021-5-22 · 新人玩转百度 经验 1595次分享 第1期 Win8.1实用小技巧 2761次分享 第1期 小白装大神 2413次分享 154 新手帮助 意见反馈 投诉举报 ©2021Baidu 使用百度前必读 百度经验协议 ...


These moments calmed my being beyond any prior feeling.


Looking at nature one day, I saw perfection, was it out of body or was I just one with it?


I believe if I can find some happiness, then you can also.


It is not easy, it takes courage and daily action.









A big emotional trauma buried immediately when it happened, enetered my consciousness 3 weeks ago. The power and intensity of ptsd had faded when I healed the first time 6 years ago.


My life had returned to a new normal, better than anytime in my life.


Three weeks ago that changed abruptly.


The skills I share as a mentor, did not deter the flooding of emotional terror and intrusive thoughts.


What I tell others, to let the storyline go, was near impossible as the images and storyline never stopped coming. PTSD wears us out emotionally and physically at first.


This is how overwhelming ptsd is in the beginning, and how all our effort seems to be worthless.


It feels like trauma has an infinite amount of power, maybe it will never end.


This is the critical time, when many give up.


Therapists have a term called the Window of Tolerance. It means our nervous system, our trauma is at an acceptable level for us to start healing.


It has taken me 3 weeks of intensive meditating, integrating and surrendering to these fears to attain my Window of Tolerance.


I may regress from time to time however enough of this trauma has been brought to present time, weakening my intrusive thoughts and body trauma.


This initial period is when most ptsd sufferers who take action, give up to soon.


My intrusive thoughts, my ego identifying with this trauma, made me a victim in this scenario.


Thinking was my downfall.


I powered my new PTSD for a couple weeks.


Never thought that could ever happen to me again with my skill set and experience.


My Ego feels humbled by its power and ability to bring suffering.


I felt permanent damage, a mirage created by traumatic fear.


百度云市场 | 企业上云 办公应用 建站服务 人工智能 数据API:百度云市场联合生态伙伴精心优选软件镜像、建站推广、安全、API、公司服务、人工智能、泛机器人、数据应用等企业所需的软硬件产品与服务,助力企业上云无忧


It is the road less traveled, the first mountain is arduous and seems it has no end.



It is a butte not Mount Everest. 


华硕RT AC66U B1 妙刷路由巧变家庭网盘:2021-11-4 · (默认固件锁在450MBPS刷梅林后可破解掉)5GHz频段均支持IEEE 802.11ac标准,理论速率最高可达1300Mbps。 每组解制解调电路中左边的sky8572811模组负责5GHz频段,而37049EX5610则负责2.4GHz频段。 LAN及WAN接口部分都作了封闭处理。


In reality, ptsd has a finite amount of stored trauma, we never know how much is there.


Having a mentor or a therapist in the beginning makes the journey much easier.


潜水侠下载相关百度网盘资源下载_百度云下载:2021-10-4 · 潜水灯 /百度云资源文件类型:back dir分类:其它由网友:Ki***李浩浩上传,累计点击2220次,下载次数为490次...



Anything that fluctuates can be influenced




Both Chronic pain and PTSD entered my life with me being clueless about their power, intensity and mechanism.

It took me 6 months with each to understand the challenge and form a plan to cope.

One of the first patterns I witnessed was how PTSD and chronic pain fluctuated during the day and night.

So my pain or PTSD did not have a constant intensity or duration.

PTSD rotated from calm to extremely triggered in seconds. Some times were calm and easier, others pure terror.

Chronic pain has an ebb and flow, intense times along with easier times.

My relationship with chronic pain was different than the other 14 in our chronic pain group. I took action, lost the fear of my pain and improved.

They lived a sedentary life filled with 30 pills a day, they suffered.

I hiked uphill causing my pain to spike, then the music was cranked, my goal was to never let pain stop my legs from moving.

Hiking another 15 minutes with my pain as a companion, in a month my chronic pain started to compress. I did not fear my pain after that month.

PTSD was a roller coaster ride of terror, followed by mental anguish and then worry about future anxiety.

The only breaks happened during times getting lost in a chore, nature or a hobby.

I found meditation provided the focus and platform to observe my fears without being part of them.

It takes time, courage and willpower.

My recent eruption of a buried trauma has challenged my skills.

I forgot how intense a serious trauma can be.

Taking action, even the slightest action moves us out of victimhood.

Better to resist, to take action.

Being sedentary powers chronic pain and PTSD.

Thoughts proliferate in a sedentary environment of Pain or Trauma.



« Older Entries
%d bloggers like this:
iphone浏览国外网站加速软件   pc端电脑梯子  shadowsock手机端   粉色纸飞机ssr官网续费  好用的npv软件  免费电脑加速器梯子